2012 – My "Annus Horribilis"… the year that was. But I’m grateful.
As the year comes to an end, I’ve been spending some time reflecting upon everything that has happened over the last 12 months.
And while reflecting on 2012, I quote Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and on how 2012 “is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasures. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an “Annus Horribilis. I suspect that I am not alone in thinking it so.”
Speaking of her own experience of two decades earlier, that line was so profound to this year that I have had.
I am sure that I am not alone in thinking so either. For many it was hard. This year has proven to be one the toughest and most challenging years that I’ve experienced in my 30-years on earth – yet, it was filled with lessons in life, love and everything in between.
And therefor I’m grateful.
I look back with great sadness at the loss of a friend who came into my life for a season yet I value the special moments that I took from that friendship.
I also look back at the challenges on a professional level, which turned out to be a lot more trying than what I had expected, yet I grew immensely from it.
I look back at my parents being transferred overseas, albeit only temporarily, it still meant that they’re not just a short drive away. But Skype and Facebook kept our family bond as strong as ever.
And lastly, the biggest challenge by far of 2012 was losing and failing my personal relationship, one that affected me in such a way that the only way out, was to find ME again.
If it weren’t for these experiences I don’t think I would have been on this journey I’m on.
A journey of self-discovery. Introspection. Reflection.
Finding Leo.
I turned 30, thought I had it all. A great partner, a good job, I was financially stable and it seemed as if the year started on an up, but very early on did I realise that it was actually spiraling out of control at a rapid pace and that it was about to shake me up in more ways than one.
I fondly think back on the period I spent working down in Cape Town. The people I met there, rekindling old friendships, hosting numerous parties and late night dinners to vising Joburgers and newfound Capetonian friends…
It felt like an extended holiday but I missed being home with my partner and it felt like we were drifting apart – to such an extent that by the time I got back home after 4 months, we almost had to start over again. Getting to know each other from scratch again. Even though we saw each other at least a week out of every month that I was gone for.
I’ve stopped asking questions about the relationship failing though, because after months in therapy, I can now honestly say that I walked out of there a stronger, wiser person. It changed me. For the better.
And therefor I’m grateful.
During the period in Cape Town I also lost my best friend. Not through illness or death. Through selfishness and self-centeredness.
It broke me to come to the realization that this friendship was one-sided and that I always give, give and give – yet when I asked for a favour in return, I was rejected and a paramour took priority over me.
It hurt. Greatly.
But I learned to value friendships and place importance on real ones where you give- and get in return. To spend quality time with people who appreciate me and not just want me there at their back-and-call.
I’ve subsequently made new friends. Real friends. People who share my viewpoints, who are sincere and who have been nothing but supportive to me in the last few months.
And therefor I’m grateful.
Upon returning to Johannesburg from months of living in Cape Town, I arrived in a cold, miserable town where I had to re-establish myself. I lived out of a suitcase for 3 months with a friend in an old un-renovated apartment while trying to find a place to buy.
Over the course of 2-years I viewed 85 properties in Johannesburg. A lot, I know. And yes, I am that fussy.
But in the end I found a place that made me happy. That suited my requirements.
I signed an offer, was granted a bond and even though I had to live out of a suitcase for 3 months in an old, cold, un-renovated apartment, it was the most amazing feeling knowing that this new house is now mine. And I can make it my home.
And therefor I’m grateful.
During the three months of waiting for the bond registration, my relationship started to fizzle. The cracks were showing and sadly, one Wednesday evening, it came to an abrupt and heart-breaking end. Heart-breaking for one of us, at least.
The following day, I packed my things and collected everything that was at his house – and moved them to my new house.
This was a very real moment for me. A moment to start a new life.
A clean slate.
And even though I had these hopes and dreams of us together in the new house, I walked in the door without any ghosts of the past. No reminders of you here.
It was all new. Brand spanking new.
And it was mine.
Mine to start a new chapter. A new life. Build new memories. Build a new home, which I can come back to at the end of every day and feel safe in.
And therefor I’m grateful.
I can honestly say that 2012 was the year in which I grew up. I grew wiser. I learned about compassion. I learned to listen. And I learned to share my valuable life lessons with others because sharing knowledge is what makes the world a better place.
I came to the realization that I have the power to change people’s lives. For the better.
To inspire others, to care for others. To be sincere. To be truthful. And to be real.
And I realized that I didn’t have to be Oprah Winfrey or Nelson Mandela or have loads of cash or the world at my feet for people to listen to what I have to say.
All I needed to be, was me.
To be real, talk from the heart, listen with compassion and be truthful to myself.
Today is the 13th of December 2012. A mere 2 weeks left of this year and I’m sure that there are many of you reading this feeling a sense of relief that we can start 2013 on a blank page.
A blank page to start writing new stories. Another chapter.
May 2013 be your “Annus Mirabilis” – a year of miracles, marvels and wonders.
With love, peace and hope… for a greater future.
Leo
And while reflecting on 2012, I quote Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and on how 2012 “is not a year on which I shall look back with undiluted pleasures. In the words of one of my more sympathetic correspondents, it has turned out to be an “Annus Horribilis. I suspect that I am not alone in thinking it so.”
Speaking of her own experience of two decades earlier, that line was so profound to this year that I have had.
I am sure that I am not alone in thinking so either. For many it was hard. This year has proven to be one the toughest and most challenging years that I’ve experienced in my 30-years on earth – yet, it was filled with lessons in life, love and everything in between.
And therefor I’m grateful.
I look back with great sadness at the loss of a friend who came into my life for a season yet I value the special moments that I took from that friendship.
I also look back at the challenges on a professional level, which turned out to be a lot more trying than what I had expected, yet I grew immensely from it.
I look back at my parents being transferred overseas, albeit only temporarily, it still meant that they’re not just a short drive away. But Skype and Facebook kept our family bond as strong as ever.
And lastly, the biggest challenge by far of 2012 was losing and failing my personal relationship, one that affected me in such a way that the only way out, was to find ME again.
If it weren’t for these experiences I don’t think I would have been on this journey I’m on.
A journey of self-discovery. Introspection. Reflection.
Finding Leo.
I turned 30, thought I had it all. A great partner, a good job, I was financially stable and it seemed as if the year started on an up, but very early on did I realise that it was actually spiraling out of control at a rapid pace and that it was about to shake me up in more ways than one.
I fondly think back on the period I spent working down in Cape Town. The people I met there, rekindling old friendships, hosting numerous parties and late night dinners to vising Joburgers and newfound Capetonian friends…
It felt like an extended holiday but I missed being home with my partner and it felt like we were drifting apart – to such an extent that by the time I got back home after 4 months, we almost had to start over again. Getting to know each other from scratch again. Even though we saw each other at least a week out of every month that I was gone for.
I’ve stopped asking questions about the relationship failing though, because after months in therapy, I can now honestly say that I walked out of there a stronger, wiser person. It changed me. For the better.
And therefor I’m grateful.
During the period in Cape Town I also lost my best friend. Not through illness or death. Through selfishness and self-centeredness.
It broke me to come to the realization that this friendship was one-sided and that I always give, give and give – yet when I asked for a favour in return, I was rejected and a paramour took priority over me.
It hurt. Greatly.
But I learned to value friendships and place importance on real ones where you give- and get in return. To spend quality time with people who appreciate me and not just want me there at their back-and-call.
I’ve subsequently made new friends. Real friends. People who share my viewpoints, who are sincere and who have been nothing but supportive to me in the last few months.
And therefor I’m grateful.
Upon returning to Johannesburg from months of living in Cape Town, I arrived in a cold, miserable town where I had to re-establish myself. I lived out of a suitcase for 3 months with a friend in an old un-renovated apartment while trying to find a place to buy.
Over the course of 2-years I viewed 85 properties in Johannesburg. A lot, I know. And yes, I am that fussy.
But in the end I found a place that made me happy. That suited my requirements.
I signed an offer, was granted a bond and even though I had to live out of a suitcase for 3 months in an old, cold, un-renovated apartment, it was the most amazing feeling knowing that this new house is now mine. And I can make it my home.
And therefor I’m grateful.
During the three months of waiting for the bond registration, my relationship started to fizzle. The cracks were showing and sadly, one Wednesday evening, it came to an abrupt and heart-breaking end. Heart-breaking for one of us, at least.
The following day, I packed my things and collected everything that was at his house – and moved them to my new house.
This was a very real moment for me. A moment to start a new life.
A clean slate.
And even though I had these hopes and dreams of us together in the new house, I walked in the door without any ghosts of the past. No reminders of you here.
It was all new. Brand spanking new.
And it was mine.
Mine to start a new chapter. A new life. Build new memories. Build a new home, which I can come back to at the end of every day and feel safe in.
And therefor I’m grateful.
I can honestly say that 2012 was the year in which I grew up. I grew wiser. I learned about compassion. I learned to listen. And I learned to share my valuable life lessons with others because sharing knowledge is what makes the world a better place.
I came to the realization that I have the power to change people’s lives. For the better.
To inspire others, to care for others. To be sincere. To be truthful. And to be real.
And I realized that I didn’t have to be Oprah Winfrey or Nelson Mandela or have loads of cash or the world at my feet for people to listen to what I have to say.
All I needed to be, was me.
To be real, talk from the heart, listen with compassion and be truthful to myself.
Today is the 13th of December 2012. A mere 2 weeks left of this year and I’m sure that there are many of you reading this feeling a sense of relief that we can start 2013 on a blank page.
A blank page to start writing new stories. Another chapter.
May 2013 be your “Annus Mirabilis” – a year of miracles, marvels and wonders.
With love, peace and hope… for a greater future.
Leo
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