Those full circle moments

Very often, we think of possible future scenarios we might find ourselves in and then think about how we would react when that moment happened in real life.

Shy of just over a year ago, i went through quite a devastating break-up and spent a lot of time processing it all - because i wanted to deal with it properly.

A large part of dealing with it, was through writing about it - so if you've stumbled across my blog befofe, you'd be familiar with some of the content.

During this time, i would occasionally think about how i would react if i ever had to run into my ex- or his illicit lover - yes, the guy he cheated on me with.

Johannesburg is a big place. 

Since the day i walked out of that house, I have never bumped into my ex anywhere. We also move in different circles and live in (very) different neighbourhoods so the changes seemed slim, but there is always still a possibility.

And even though a Joburg is a big place, the inevitable was bound to happen at some point. And that is a fact.

Going about my normal weekly routine, I walked in to gym full of confidence this week. I've been going to the new gym in Bryanston since it opened and because it's walking distance from my house.

When you go to the same gym, you become familiar with the people who go there at the same time as you. And you often spot the new faces too.

Casually making my way into the change-room, i walked towards the locker section where i always go - and there - standing in front of me as i came around the corner, was the illicit lover. Not my ex- but the guy he cheated on me with - who, according to sources, he is still in a relationship with. 

Needless to say, i was a little thrown, but i had to keep my cool.

He saw me. And he knew that i saw him.

I sidestepped and cut an immediate right - to go into a different area of the locker room, without seeming like I was thrown off course.

This was that moment. This was that moment that I knew was going to come. This was the only time, apart from my initial confrontation with him, when i randomly bumped into him in a shop - that

i had ever seem him in real life, but he knew exactly who i was.

I proceeded to change in to my gym gear - and then, he had to make his way past me to exit the change rooms.

He walked past. Our eyes locked and i did not break eye contact for one second.

It was a stare-down.

I could see he was uncomfortable. He didnt know what to expect next. He didnt know whether he should greet me or even acknowledge me - all he knew was that i was giving him the stare of death.

If you had to ask me 6 months ago how i would react in this situation, i would have told you that I would have created such a scene that I would have been up for a Best Actor Academy Award based purely on the security camera footage on hand. 

He walked past, walked out of the change room and for a second my knees were wobbly. 

I took a minute to compose myself, put my ipod in my ears, and walked out a few minutes later, head held high.

And then - round two!

As i walked out of the change room, there he was. Waiting. Waiting for me.

At first i didnt realise that he was waiting for me, and i ignored him as i made my way to the stairs only to be caught by him saying something to me - which at first i didnt hear.

I took my headphones out of my ears and then he said "Can i talk to you?".

He looked guilty, almost sorry in a way, but i couldnt let that affect me. 

It was all circumstantial. If he really wanted to speak to me, he would have found a way a year ago to get in touch with me to state his story. Why now suddenly - when i just happened to conveniently be in the same place as him. 

I looked at him - and in a split second realised that i've come THIS far in terms of recovery, that No One is going to have the power over me to upset me or to open up old wounds and i replied.

Calmly, a total class-act, i said "I dont know you. And i have nothing to say to you."

And i walked on. Head held high. And full of confidence. 

Now this mighth seem like i avoided the confrontation, which i did - but let's rewind a year earlier - when about a week after the split, i accidentally bumped into him in a shop. We made eye contact then, he knew who i was. I knew who he was and i walked over to confront him. 

All he said to me that day was "I didnt know about you and i have nothing to say" - which obviously left me devastated back then.

So this time, it was like i used his own words on him.

"I dont know you and i have nothing to say to you".

It took me months to process the breakup when it happened. The public humiliation, the embarrassment, the lies, the truth and the total devastation.

Why was i going to allow this sheepishly looking fool to upset me all over again?

And as i walked away, looking at the stunned reaction on his face, I realised that i'm over it. I realised that nothing that happens in that chapter again will ever be able to affect me in any way.

I realised that i'm healed, i'm better off and that a full circle moment has been completed. 

I knew, the next chapter of the book can now begin.

LSx